i am constantly amazed how talking with someone can make everything seem better. i know that makes sense logically but it is very different when it happens. i knew that things would be awkward between sn and myself for a while but when the awkwardness lasted longer and longer, it really got to me. i kept telling myself that i was fine with how things were between us but in reality, it bugged me that we couldn't act normal. saturday changed that. we were both out with the same group....and we were both trying to act like everything was fine even though it wasn't. so finally he pulled me off to the side to talk. i'm so glad that he did that. we were able to talk just the 2 of us. everything that i was feeling, he was feeling too. once we got everything out in the open, i felt a ton better. it was like a weight that i had been unknowingly carrying around finally lifted off of me. it just amazes me that i can be carrying a weight around without knowing it and when it finally lifts off of me, i feel so much better. i am still a little jealous that sn has found someone to hang out with and i haven't, but it is probably a good thing for me to be alone for longer to really figure myself out first before having someone else there. i want to be competely happy with me. i'm not there yet but it is in the near future.