Wow what a week. Things at work have been insanely busy. Some of it has been good and interesting….and some of it has been kind of annoying. I have been able to prove to myself that I am a good worker and realize that I don’t need my supervisor’s approval to be happy. That is a great thing to realize. It is so freeing. I was spending too much time worrying about what the “higher-ups” thought of me and my work that I was kind of doing a bad job. I was second guessing myself so that I was never wrong. The biggest problem with this was that I also started not trusting my own judgment. So over the last 2 weeks I have just been doing my job the best way that I know how and telling what my opinions were on issues that were coming up. Now sometimes I was incorrect and sometimes I wasn’t but at least I was saying what I thought for a change. In a funny way, I have ended up doing what I wanted to do before…..i am gaining the “uppers” respect again. But the best part is….i don’t really care. I am just happy that I am satisfied with my own work again. If that ends up causing others to be satisfied by my work too then that is just a bonus.

Another thing that has come out of these last few weeks….i have been crazy busy at work but I am still able to stay relaxed. It used to be that when I had to do something fast that every muscle in my body would tighten up. I have noticed this time that I am able to kind of disconnect my body from my brain. This may sound strange but it is very eye opening for me. for 6 months I have been going to a relaxation therapist. And during that time I have worked on relaxing the muscles in my body so that I can lose the “muscle memory” that is associated with different situations. An example is if there is a memory in your past that makes you upset even today, you will typically notice that some muscles in your body tighten (or react) the same way that it did back in the past. I am working at reducing that physical reaction. It has made me much more content with myself and with other people. Much nicer way to live my life. So back to how this ties to my work….well even though I have had to focus my brain on the activities that were involved in completing these tasks, I have also been able to keep my body relaxed (especially my arms and shoulders). I’m not sure if this makes sense to anyone else but it is a really exciting thing for me. if any of my 2 readers would like a better explanation of this, just let me know. It is kind of hard to write about this instead of just talking about it.

I got to meet some of bn’s family last night at Passover Dinner. They were so nice and welcoming. They even included me in their Seder activities. I had a great time.