most people who would read this know that i have battled issues with anxiety. i have had a year of therapy which helped tremendously, then after that i have had 1 year of relaxation therapy. this has been a wonderful addition to my other therapy. the first one dealt with my insides (so to speak) and the relaxation one is dealing with my outside (muscle memory so to speak).

well about 9 months into my first therapy, i realized that i had worked really hard but was still not where i wanted to be. basically it was like i had climbed this mountain and about 4 feet from the top i just stop.....unable to get to the top. so i decided to go on a mild anxiety medicine and it worked wonders. i took the medicine for about a year and over the last 3 months have been slowly taking myself off (with the advice of a doctor of course).

i have been doing pretty good overall. i have been completely off of the medicine for a week now. in the last couple of days, i have noticed some of the anxiety returning. it is somewhat frustrating because i hate being on medicine and want to stay off this one if i can. the good thing is that i now have many more resources to help me deal with this and i may be able to get there without the aid of medication.

i now know how to relax my muscles which reduces my anxiety feelings. it doesn't work all the time but it is much better than when i didn't know anything to do. the part that sucks is that i feel like i have taken a huge step back in my therapy.

one other thing that has started to happen is that my mind is working all of the time. this is also causing my anxiety to get worse. so long story short.....i may be short with people and try to control things again....if i do that, just remember that i am working on stopping this but i'm not there yet....