Some days suck!

Ok…some days just suck.

Today has been a little rough. One of the guys at my work has been losing weight for about 6 months now. He started off around 500lbs and is trying to get down to 220. He is about half way there. This is all good. Unfortunately, I walked past when he was talking to someone else and he looks at my and says “now she is skinny”. I know he meant this as a compliment but I am still having a hard time hearing that one. I don’t want to be skinny. I want to be fat and pregnant. I’m still finding it hard to see myself in the mirror at times. I’m also finding it hard to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes. So I told them that. Maybe I shouldn’t have but sometimes, people need to know that innocent comments can hurt.

Then a couple of hours later, I went to tell the nurse (our company has a full time nurse and she knew I was expecting) that we had lost the baby. Well as soon as I walked in, she says “Hey little momma”. Again, not her fault but I lost it. She was so sorry. She felt horrible.

This all comes after a day where I finally saw this one girl back at work. She is pregnant and her due date is 1 week before mine was. As soon as she saw me she lost it and just started crying. She is very emotional and I knew this would happen. I actually sought her out since I wanted to get it over with. I told her that even though I was sad for me, I was still so happy for her. In some ways, seeing her and my pregnant sister helps know that we can do this again.

So it’s been a rough couple of days.

I did go out to dinner with some friends last night and it was nice to hear other stories. Funny stories are good right now.

Tomorrow, our cleaning lady is coming by. This will be her first time in our new house so one of us has to be there to show her around and give her a key. She is a little older Polish lady and very emotional. She knows about the loss of our baby from a friend whose place she also cleans. Apparently, when she heard, she dropped to her knees and cried. I can’t see this again, so Ben is going to wait for her.

It seems like the only time that I truly feel comfortable is when it’s just Ben and me spending time together. We have quite a few events to go to in December. I want to go to them but can’t promise that I will make it out for very long. It just depends on the day. So if I bail on anyone, don’t take it personally.

Things will get better. I know it. But some days just plain suck!!!!