new resolve

So yesterday was a very bad day. I had a minor breakdown. I blew up at my boss although I did keep it in check a little bit and then I was told that I was pretty hard on my mom over the weekend. Kind of putting her down and stuff.

The work stuff was related to the fact that I am only being given menial tasks to do. I have been testing parts for the better part of 3 months. And now I am helping assemble parts for testing. Basically I am setting up an assembly line of people and then I get to be one of the people on the line. We are cutting down the wire on 64,000 terminals then we get to install all those terminals into plastic housings creating a total of 3200 assemblies. Each person can do about 20/hour and if we have 4 people doing this it will take us a full week to complete this assembly. Of course this does not include time for breaks and slow down that will happen just due to getting tired of it. this is the type of thing that they are telling me to do. I feel like I am on probation for something that I didn’t know that I did. I told my boss that I was frustrated and instead of discussing this, he pointed out that we need to inspect all of these to make sure that the crimp is good. So in other words he added to my workload instead of dealing with my frustration.

Then I found out that I was mean to my mom. I’m sure it happened but I don’t remember doing it. I used to do this all the time because she bugged me but I had done better about it in recent years. I guess that I was so frustrated by her smoking that I went back to my old ways.

Well finding out about this right after I blew up at my boss was not a good thing. Luckily, I had to borrow a car to run to the store for work because I just started crying. I was able to get through it but I still need to do something about it.

First I need a new job. I know this isn’t new news to you but it is more true than ever. I am putting in a major effort to find a new job so if anyone hears anything about any openings even if it isn’t in engineering, please let me know. I’m not sure what I am qualified for but I’m willing to try.

Second, is that I need to talk with my mom about her smoking and the effect it is having on me when she visits and when I visit them. this will be hard but it has to be done. I suffered way too much this weekend and don’t think that is fair to me.